This is something that has occupied my life for sometime now. It still dwells in me, I will be the first to admit it. Very strongly to be completely honest.
The first time I can remember actually be fearful was when I was in 5th grade. My dad had brain cancer, he had had it for over a year. he had seizures. I hated them. This was the first time I remember feeling fear. My mom wanted to leave me alone at the house with my dad, I remember crying to her in fear of the fact that my dad could possibly have a seizure, she reassured me I would be fine... but the fear was there. The fear turned into reality and my dad did in-fact have a seizure on our kitchen floor that day. Fear has stuck with me ever sense...
Im sure it was there long before but this was the first time I could actually feel it
in my bones, if that makes sense. My dad had cancer for 4 more years after that seizure until he ultimately won his battled over cancer and was welcomed into the arms of Jesus Christ.
My dad was gone.
Cancer was gone.
The seizures were gone.
But the fear remained.
It's is now 14 year later and that fear is still very present. 14 years people, I am embarrassed to admit that, but it is true. It has come and gone but it's always lerching. It is always a fight. I don't do a lot of things because of fear, I think I miss out on a lot because of it. I am not a hermit or anything by any means but I think I don't step out in faith a lot because of this fear. I believe God has an extravagant life planned for me and I sometimes just watch from the sidelines because I am so fearful. God has done and is still doing some pretty amazing things in mine and Andy's life and I see myself taking a step backwards in fear... In my head a want to run forward, be bold and embrace what God has laid before us, but I see that fear creeping in. But I don't want it to creep in, I want to see God in his full glory and not look at the road ahead through fear tinted glasses.
My friend recently wrote a post about how she has been under spiritual warfare . In her awesome post she wrote:

"This Sunday morning I woke up and sensed in my spirit that God had given me victory over my enemy. That specific battle was over. My Savior had said Enough!and the accuser was silenced. The heaviness was gone."

(Read her post here, it's good people, like real good)

The word ENOUGH really stood out to me when I read it, it was like someone was standing in my face yelling it at me. Enough. In scripture time and time again God tells me, Do not fear...and yet what do I do, fear?
God has promised me that HE is with me, so I say to myself, ENOUGH. God had said it long before that. I could picture in my head the accuser being silenced with one word, Enough.

So in this new season of life that Andy and I are about to embark on I will choose Freedom not Fear. God has set His path and we will walk on it, in Freedom, the freedom that He paid for on the cross. Ultimate freedom.

Enough is Enough.


MLEastland said...

Great stuff, Corey. You rock!

Amanda Jones said...

What a powerful post, Corey. I'm so sorry that you went through that terrible fear and loss as a child. Imagining what you went through just breaks my heart. I will be praying for your freedom from this fear. Go get it, sister.

annalee said...

Breaks my heart to imagine all the fear and emotions in your story, but so thankful for your beautiful heart and the way you share and grow. lots of love!

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